Where is my apple tree? I expected to have a fine orchard growing out of my ears by the time I reached this age. I was a fat kid therefore scoffed a good amount of apples complete with the pips, to which you would always look on warily and poke the phrase "If you eat the pips a tree will grow out of your ears!" I did of course take this seriously, so where is my fucking orchard? Also being a lazy kid I packed away hours of my life into watching a deadly combination of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Blue Peter and Hey Arnold! (Yeee 90's/early 00's TV) yet my eyes have not turned square, I am asking about the eyes because I have an acute theory that it would make applying eyeliner a hella of a lot easier if it was just drawing on a straight box like line instead of a curve, which always fucks up and requires a lot of spit finger dabbing.The last question is where is my hairy chest? Due to my addiction to toast, sandwiches and entire loafs of bread in general (fat kid problems, I love that gluten) you would also repeat the phrase "Eat your crusts to get a hairy chest!" I never understood this seeing as I was a girl and alot of girls I saw did not have hairy man chests poking through the tops of t-shirts, but I thought hey when my life fails I will at least have a fine carpet of chest hair, I can join a freak circus and knit jumpers out of the molting castoffs of my fine women chest hair and sell them for thousands (fashion would defs be all over those jumpers) but alas apart from an occasional nipple hair nothing happened.So this is me discovering where I got my disgustingly beautiful scary habit for telling a dam good lie(insert evil laugh here).
Lots of Love
From your gullible fat lazy child, who flourished into a gullible fat lazy lying adult.
K Bye
x
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